Thursday, June 26, 2014

the Believer

My interview with Ken Baumann is featured in the June issue. 

Monday, June 16, 2014

those pop quiz assassins

I've become acclimated the three-hour time difference between the West and East coast. I've become a morning person! Waking up at seven every morning whether responsibilities call for it or not. Teeth brushed, I have my coffee by eight. And I'm hardly counting back in threes anymore. It's eight here, it's five there. I wonder if the sun's up yet. So and so must be sound asleep. It feels like I have a head start. An early riser in America. When I'm productive, in my head, the days leaps by so fast. I'm usually in bed by midnight. When it's only nine in LA. To think, for years I couldn't sleep before 2. I was a night owl, getting an average of 5-6 hours sleep every night. It's more like 7 now. I'm sure this is good for me. I've had more energy to read, which puts my mind in a place where words are easier to reach. I'm much more talkative than I used to be. But there are also more people to talk to.

I had a horrible dream last night. The one credit shy of graduating nightmare. The end of semester assessments were being doled out to my class, although there was no one there but me. I didn't find this strange. The teachers liked me. We were friendly. I was handed my test score, but the number seemed low. I was ashamed! Something like 23? I hoped this was enough. I didn't say anything. Then a teacher pulled me aside gently talked to me about my test score. He pulled out my actual test. It was streaked with red ink. Xs, slashes. Page after page. Murder was the math that it gave me.

I felt deficient. Dumb. As usual per the story of my academic life, I hadn't studied. I would have to repeat the class to graduate. I was going to be left behind! I tried to bargain with my teachers who liked my personality. One point away! I pleaded. Just one point! Can't you let it slide? They considered, but the air of hopelessness followed me into my waking life. Writhing around in my sheets, I thought: retest! I'll study and take it again! Please don't let me fall behind! Give me the point! and then I saw the sun in my window and thought: oh, school was a long time ago. I'm done with school. Thank god. Although a haze of deficiency has stuck with me all morning. Of being an underachiever.

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