Friday, December 17, 2010

fictional fish cracker bags

I have two recurring dreams that work as a combo, a one-two punch. Why these dreams often coincide a collection of hard prints from various stressed-out times in my life is beyond me. But I often remember vividly the thrill, of being in and realizing a few things while I'm there.

The first dream (give or take a few details of the overturn of specifics): I'm in college, in class, it's time for a test, I didn't study. What an awful feeling. I take the test, and in this dream, I actually happen to know most of the answers. On the right side of the paper are google ads trying to sell me merchandise. Class is over and it's time to go to my next class, but I realize I've skipped that class all year, and probably won't pass it. It's my senior year, and I need that class to graduate. Why did I skip it? Everything's fucked! 

Dream two: I'm in the cafeteria to get a snack from a vending machine. I find the perfect machine, with loose snacks hanging off the hooks. I look around to make sure no one can see me, and I shake the vending machine, hard, until snacks avalanche into the retrieval slot below. The snacks are fictional fish cracker bags, green twizzler type bites, ginger chips, all from Japan, I assume at the time. I stuff the snacks in my bag, and kill time by exploring the architecture before my next class. I don't know how I'm going to make up for the class I never attended. I'm doing fine in all my other classes. I think about summer school.   

The being-back-in-school-unprepared-for-a-test dream has become the most annoying, though it's the best to wake up from, knowing I finished a long time ago, passed all my classes, earned my degrees, and all that's over with. Or is it?

Knowing dreams don't just come from nothing, this might be my subconscious telling me I need to go back to school, that I wasn't finished, that I'm wasting precious time being careless and too happy-go-lucky to think about a Masters.

Plus, I skipped a lot of classes in high school. Had my driver's license revoked for missing over 60+ days of school my senior year. How I even graduated is a mystery. I smoked a lot of pot and thought the cool people were other potheads who attended to live concerts and music festivals back then. It was all about being cool and rebellious and invincible.

My grades were bad, my ambitions were worse, and one-by-one my comrades were dying, dealers, or becoming junkies. I was the only person going to college out of everyone who meant anything to me. And by the time I graduated, I did in fact have to go to summer school to retake an Algebra class I'd failed for the second time. I finally passed with a D for an Associates degree in Art. All of these factors must have a combined effect, of some surreal experience I'm going to have to live with, or at least get used to.

The vending machine dream? It mostly happens when I'm bored of life being too predictable. It represents variety and reward, vandalism and excitement. I've always been fascinated by the contents in vending machines.

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