Monday, April 5, 2010

Easter egging

The shock waves of an earthquake hit LA today, but I didn't feel a thing. This makes my life tonight feel extra dull, somehow. But I guess I still sat through an earthquake, whether I felt it or not.

Ned called to ask if I was okay. I told him the ground had opened up beneath me, the house was covered in dirt, and to mail me a shovel; he laughed. It was his birthday today and also Easter.

We spoke on the phone about fertility and the desire expressed by our mothers for me to get pregnant. I said: You know for nine months I won't be able to smoke or drink and I'll get fat, right? Ned said: Oh, I didn't think about that.

But these are all hypotheticals we're dealing with here, and pressure, wrapped up with everyone's quest to own the perfect living doll. I told him I'm going back to school for a Master's. You won't mind being pregnant in Graduate School?

What am I here, some sort of incubation tank? Within six months he says he plans to knock me up. And no, we're not married, and have only been dating since November 09.

My mom won't let up either. A child will be your companion, and if the marriage doesn't work out, there's always child support.

Thanks mom. Thanks for the lesson in relationship protocol. Your eggs are drying out, she says, and sometimes women experience early menopause...even though you're pretty healthy.

So on Easter Sunday, while kids comb through grass for strategically placed hard-boiled eggs, my mother's giving me a lecture on optimum egg moisture age-ranges. Is this nature? Is this obsession healthy? Selfish? What's everybody's problem? Babies are a big responsibility!

I wonder how of this is conditioning, and how much is nature. There's probably a healthy dose of boredom on top of that, too.

There should be a word coined for these factors contributing to the overall urge to plant seeds of progeny. The word should be something like "gravity" or "love" but not gravity or love. The word should be about bullying and badgering with good intent. A concept, much like death, but the opposite.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I had a buddy get married because he thought it would fix their relationship. It proved to be a bad idea. What a shock.

Just sayin': You've got good common sense. Trust yourself.

And, yeah, this response is a few months late. Damn nice dress on Twitter, BTW

Glacial S.

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