Saturday, October 17, 2009

consequences & trajectories



Sometimes when I go against the way nature intends things to fall naturally, my entire life can feel off. If I'm lucky, the off feeling only lasts for a day (or a few hours, some consequences mending accordingly from a diverged mess.) There seems to be less wasted time following the straight path. Short-cuts lead to missed details. It's hard to trust trajectories when surrounded by others following paths more conventional. Do they get the same tugs and shoves on their backs too? Are they alive enough to recognize the signs?

I youtube'd and listened to Ginsberg read aloud America today from Howl. Twice. The first was a studio reading that sounded clean. The second was a live reading with an audience. The audience laughed so much in places that didn't seem funny to me, I thought about canned laughter in cheesy sitcoms.

People who laugh when they are uncomfortable makes me uncomfortable. (It's as if they are acutely too aware of their own hand placement, therefore they must laugh to proliferate laughter in a crowd to drown their own thoughts from being obsessive.) People are mostly terrified against the birth of their own unique opinions. I don't think it's their fault. But I don't think they mind either. Naturally humanity has a tendency to herd together for a feeling of safety, as they say, in numbers.

To be so independent from humanity, to risk alienation, humiliation, excruciating loneliness, is a key that leads to a plane of unique discovery. The sort of discovery, which might be so unrelatable that it is basically invisible, like cracks in sidewalks, or cracks in sanity, if in the facade consists of a healthy dose of complacency.

5 comments:

steve d said...

i forgot...the guy who delivered me pizza saturday night told me to give you this message: 'Runny, Bunny Sunny with the Money and the Funny ones'. He said it in an Ozzie Iron Man voice...I just squinted and nodded that I would get it to you.

I will write more about this latest development of yours later.

Sabra Embury said...

You can tell the pizza guy I say the eggs he makes me straddle have become too runny from his lack of warmth in these sentiments he strides along through you. His hysterical discourse collects my tipsy attention without much love in the mourning. That's what I get for ordering sausage. Heartburn.

steve d said...

I think you hit on some meaty stuff in this piece - Trajectories and Divergent paths and 'going with the flow' of naturual things, the submerged tides that push and pull us, and 'it's all about reading the signs'.

When I was 20 I went through beatnik phase where I read all the Kerouac and Ginsberg that I could. I revisited Ginsberg a few weeks ago out of an nostalgia for college induced by early fall weather. It was interesting to see just how impressionable that stuff was on me, not only in writing but in my worldview.

Anyhow, I was with you up until "The sort of discovery, which might be so unrelatable that it is basically invisible, like cracks in sidewalks, or cracks in sanity, if in the facade consists of a healthy dose of complacency" and it was like the climax and I was hoping you could elaborate because I would like to understand this. I gotcha on the discovery and the bravery and the courage, the cracks in the sanity, check; it's the facade and the healthy dose of complacency i a bit lost on.

Sabra Embury said...

Re: The sort of discovery, which might be so unrelatable that it is basically invisible, like cracks in sidewalks, or cracks in sanity, if in the facade consists of a healthy dose of complacency.

It's about perception, Steve, being subjective to individual experience. How based on names we apply to objects we identify as useful or expendable, we apply into our outward construct what is practical. How most practical things we apply are artificial for the sake of socializing to adapt and survive. How healthy imaginations can be subdued by this. And also reality.

Most new theories are invisible to people in the camouflage of gibberish. But if can identify the borders or outlines of individual leaves begging to be recognized before they ultimately decompose.

Hm. And maybe random tangents are just random too.

ryan manning said...

fuck yeah ginsberg

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