Sunday, August 10, 2008

ninja-pirate Bruce and his best friend Peekaboo

Ninja-pirate Bruce was involved with controlling,
manipulative types for way too long before he learned
to love himself.

Bruce was an optimist and was grateful for the awareness he'd honed in his ability to see through liars and control freaks; but it wasn't easy reconstructing after being taken apart in repeated attempts of being brainwashed by feebs.

In fact it was the most exhausting ordeal, ever.

Looking back on one particular lover, Tyrone--a professional ballet dancer/street hustler, Bruce'd become agoraphobic and anorexic from the lack of control of his own life.

It didn't help that he was working a full time high stress job as a bagger in a local Piggly Wiggly with asshole inbred pervs either. Ugly ones too. But Tyrone really hated fat asses anyway.

That's the closest Bruce'd ever come to losing it, while dating Tyrone--a sex addict, stealing from friends and family for prostitute money, knocking his ex up, again, impregnating twelve check-out girls, three stewardesses, two girls that worked at Express and a grandma from Boise, Idaho dressed as Sailor Moon for a Comic Con convention; all in less than a year.

Bruce's childhood Nintendo buddy/roommate, Melinda, had become an addict too, an in the closet food addict, literally, sticky ice cream boxes tucked in shoe boxes, powdered doughnut cellophane wrappers in pockets of sports coats fat as hell from skinny as shit in only two months, then BOOM, one day in the park, human dog treat city, she exploded all over the benches.

Thank goodness the complete wild and scared mess Bruce was...found his best friend Peekaboo when he did.

Peekaboo listened to his stories of watching the people closest to him fall part at the seams; he listened without judgment, without criticism, a solid rock of loyalty and patience Peekaboo; he helped Bruce become an overall better ass kicker ninja-pirate with the potential to make the world a better place.

Bruce became less cynical, more elite, a warrior highly trained in all aspects of martial arts combat, taking treasure from nitwits who spend too much money on lame crap: like trying to get the Village People back together for their son's bar matzvah; or 'sending a specialist to steal John Travolta's kidney'.

And he still couldn't believe they asked him to do that, but he did get a free cool looking book on something called Dianetics.

Bruce's mom was a Diane; the book made him remember the smell of her Sunday morning cinnamon streusel and that made him happy, so whatever.

Sometimes, when Peekaboo rides on Bruce's shoulder while he's walking, he whispers things like, "I wanna shove a big bar of Ivory soap down your narrow little throat," or "tell me I'm beautiful or I'll cry."

This makes ninja-pirate Bruce smile because he has a dark misogynistic sense of humor that leans toward the absurd and occasional violent tomfoolery.

Then someone pretends to trip, and laughter ensues between two best friends conquering the world in their optimism and discreet understanding of rigor mortis fart jokes.

1 comment:

ryan manning said...

thank you for sharing this

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