Tuesday, December 4, 2007


I'm going to start donating plasma again, for three reasons:

1.) donating blood is the only charity where you know you're helping actual people who are dying with what you have plenty of in your body, with guarantees of no one skimming the profits (unless of course some blood thirsty maggot's straw fucking that mess, and if that's the case, different strokes I guess) to pay hookers or buy expensive cocaine.

2.) perfect book reading down time with minimal distractions

3.) $20 the first day, $30 the second, twice in a week max = $200 extra a month. In cash!

I used to donate blood four times a year because it made me feel like I was good. It was my one humanitarian deed, until a crazy cute newspaper editor guy named Pete informed me that his Iron and Wine ticket for our first date would come from an hour long plasma center paycheck to explain why I needed to buy my own. (Pete was an ex-Catholic buried in college debt, but he was also 6'3' with a nice record collection, an extreme hard-on for Nabakov, and a corresponding butterfly collection. His eyes were probably the best part though, crystal blue, which is weird, since I'm a fan of the green mostly. Green eyes kill me like it's unfair...)

Donating plasma makes my lips feel cold and tingly. I like to watch my blood collect in a bag beside me coming through a plastic hose from a piece of sharp metal jabbed in my arm. It lets me feel masochistic without the dumb embarrassment of obvious low self-esteem, through a hole the size of a speck.

When my parents found out about it, when I was doing it initially, somehow, they forbade (sounds funny doesn't it? for-baaade) me to collect money for it, said I could donate for free, but that collecting money for it looked bad for the family. And as with every other thing they have ever forbidden me to do, I did it more, and with more satisfaction, up to the day I moved, and forgot about it.
Then it came up again, more than a year later, as I donated blood for some work related incident; I thought, 'I used to get money for this same sharp prick and drain, tingles, hyper down time with a good book, I miss it' along with the band aid, the snack party, sunshine and feeling weak walking to the car.

Either way, it's helping people from dying, and also, it's MY plasma, which means people will feel better than they've ever felt before, like pizazzafied, since it's filled with sparks and magic powers, ya know, for energy.

I am going to save the world with my plasma! and get paid money for doing it. I'm excited enough for at least half an erection.

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