Wednesday, October 17, 2007


I'm on something called Twitter where I am only allowed 140 characters or less to create greatness. Here are some recent posts to illustrate what a classy lady I am. And please, no marriage proposals. I am already in a relationship with your mother, and her delicious breasts make for ample company.


I sleep on a couch three nights a week for 50 dollars a pop. No really.

"A damn kindergardener grabbed my tit and I was all 'you can't do that' and he was all 'nah, it's all right baby. It's cool.'"

"but i like it," is what the 6 year-old whined, when I told him "don't do that" to him repeatedly jabbing my butt cheek with his finger.

We woke up and exchanged zombie dream stories. Mine had X-Men powers with vampire teeth. His were plain.

If you think about it, zombies have a tough time, because skulls- they're REALLY hard.

I think she's got a dog, I hear its feet go BADABADABADA all across the ceiling, then WHOOOSH, the sliding door. Other than that, nothing.

I like it when a boy enthusiastically eats candy that's been sitting in my mouth for a long time. It shows that he is tough.

A long time ago I decided to replace regrets with orgasms and everything's been better since I stopped worrying about nothing.

Walruses have funny fang looking things on their furry faces. If I had fangs and a furry face, I'd probably be a mack and dance a lot.

If I were a stick figure, I'd be a boy stick figure with a giant stick for a penis.

Fresca has to be my favorite soft drink. My favorite hard drink is rocks in a jug mixed with turpentine and grease.

Most people don't know what I'm talking about and think I'm crazy until they realize I am satan clause and own their soul.

I bought a red Peggy Sue wig while in New York to wear as a disguise during sex. I will also wear sunglasses.

Dance for me. I will like you if the jello is fresh.

I fix myself up more when he's gone. I am my own doll, and the doll of others only when I'm in the mood to be adored.

When I told him the batch of pictures turned out well, he asked if they were of my profile. He said,"You have such a lovely profile."

The enamel on the back of my front teeth is still worn down from Saturday's night's strike anywhere matches.

I've started eating apples all the time, and termites.

Had another natural disaster dream last night with rising waters and boats. I wonder if drowning to death is similar to puking to death.

Went to the grand opening of a place called Ink last night for free food and drinks. They asked me how I wanted my Jack, I said in a glass.

When my skin smells like vanilla, mouths want to taste my large organ.

Relationships are great. Variety in and of itself and in relationships is great. I had lamb for lunch today. It was alright.

I've been told I'm initially difficult to understand. Who isn't really? Everyone seems to like to pretend a lot, in the beginning.

I felt my body eat itself for lunch today, after I skipped breakfast, and thought, "Well, that's what fat's for right? It's just extra food"

Went to a park today where people crawled on rocks and let the currents drag them while dogs sprayed themselves dry on muddy banks.

I just ate some 4 day old cold sushi. My stomach is starting to get mad at me. Vomiting might happen. I hear noises.

I got a new pair of gray Puma's yesterday, with a purple swish. I like to lick the bottoms of new shoes before I get dirt on them.

If I were a boy, I'd date a girl who liked cigarettes. This would guarantee an oral fixation, and I would want a lot of bl...kisses.

It pisses me off when I smell ass on somebody. Quit smelling like ass, people.

I am right and you are wrong. Unless you are right. Then I am wrong. Okay, we're both right. But I smell better than you.

My favorite cereal lately is raisin bran without the raisins. Sugary, dried up grapes don't really entertain me as much as they used to.

Little Richard came out on crutches, sat down at the piano in his white sequined outfit and sang like some old drag queen, last night.

I bought a rug yesterday. Rugs are cool. I like to walk on them and step on them and drool on them and roll up like a taco, haha no I don't.

My Super Ex whatever movie with Owen Wilson's double chin and Uma was actually really cheesy good despite the stupid previews.

Got caught in the rain today, soaked me to the bottoms of my butt cheeks sticking to my legs. I liked it, muddy feet and all.

Ever spell the breath of people who don't floss? It's very similar to inhaling dead rotted rectums.

Fisting is a weird concept. I don't think I'd like it very much, but I can be somewhat of a prude when it comes to large punching things.

Today my mom told me a psychic told her that my boyfriend was manipulating/using me. I kind of laughed when she told me that.

Funny how a short attention span, and fickle dating behavior in general, is a strange side affect of a jogging addiction.

I thought about what it might be like to be a dung beetle when the hypothetical 'what bug would you be' question came up. Aphids are cooler

Elitism is a word made bad by people who were born with less than people who have more.

Took a few amazing photos with bonfire illuminations and shadows last night while a German Shepard looked good to saddle and ride.

Found an old notebook today with a ballpoint picture of a giraffe, some poetry attempts, a few scribbles from ex friends.

I was feeding dogs marshmellows last night. I hope marshmellows don't kill dogs.

I have a pretty healthy nymphomniac empathy because I don't think it's wrong to like sex a lot, or a lot of sex, or tons of sex a lot.

Was James Brown supposed to live forever or something?

It's true. Fish live much longer than humans and animals because we're addicted to oxygen. I pray my mutant babies will have gills.

Sometimes when I spell the word 'boyfriend', I accidently spell it 'botfriend'. This makes me think robot penuses are probably fun.

1 comment:

Glacial Spain said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
There was an error in this gadget