Friday, October 5, 2007


The last piece I wrote depressed the shit out of me, covertly, since at the time of it being birthed I was feeling a heavy sense of anxiety and didn't even understand why. In an attempt to gain a better understanding of the situation, I posted my idea on my myspace blog, which in the past has served greatly as a forum of discussion among people who like to think; even though lately, the only people who seem to even show interest anymore are pervy types who use girls like me as nothing more than masturbation fodder. So it comes to no surprise when points are overlooked for excuses to flirt, or to praise, as a way to force eye contact in a crowded room or whatever. Myspace has turned to shit, even though in it's peak, it was a great way to make friends who lived all over the place for me, a girl who felt like a prisoner of her environment, an alien in my surroundings, for most of my life in Tennessee.

Now, after some heavy thinking, I know exactly why I wrote what I did, thanks to hours of feeling whacked out and over analytically spewing my guts to friends I trust; friends who wouldn't make fun of me for being depressed over the dilemma which lies in what makes the concept of socialism appealing amidst the existential crisis that comes from being a consumer in a very materialistic society, wanting to do the right thing, but feeling helpless in a very competitive environment with too many options for spending within my conditioning of what is necessary to be a happy person.

I mean, WHAT THE FUCK, right? Talk about wanting to jump out of one's brain for a while.

A strong source of this is all of this socialist type ranting shit I've been reading, which is mostly really looking at negative aspects of an ideology which just likes to take big pisses on most things that make people happy in an attempt to focus on poverty. Fucking poverty and destitution everywhere! Look! Open your eyes and see how people suffer. Feel shame for having money, when others have nothing! Feel shame for having nice things when people are beaten by their parents and don't have anything nice to wear to school; hate people who earn more money than most people and buy nice things with that money; make them want to give their "extra" money to people who don't have skills to find decent jobs because they're mentally deranged or were doled out some bunk lottery ticket when they were born.

(Money: one letter away from 'monkey.' Coincidence? Yes!)

Guilt is shit. Guilt is what Christians have used for eons to convert people into mental slavery. Socialism and Christianity go hand in hand, and I have made the mistake of embracing too deeply a concept which is deeply flawed, whereas it is mainly used as an excuse for people to bitch about things which will never change. Huh, but that's the kind of attitude that prevents progress and equality..., bluh, bluh, fuck you, and fuck equality. There is no such thing-outside of an archaic governing principle in rudimentary mathematics. Look around!

Don't get me wrong. I know socialism and Christianity mean well. Nietzsche knew. I know; that focusing on and throwing in people's faces the shit of the world has a side effect. It makes average people want to shut off even more, or it depresses people who are helpless--as the rich, who have always been keen on getting richer, are getting richer, as they always have, as they always will, no matter how many depressed helpless peoples' peaces of mind we sacrifice in order to get some meaning well message across, the best bet seems to lie in setting a good example for other humans, and not in scrutinizing and obsessing over greedy shitmongers and the like who have the freedom to do as they please, as with the rest of the world. .


Robert said...

Since I feel that we, each of us, are products of the decisions made by our parents, the environment they raise us in or how they treated us, and they are who they are because of their parents decisions in like, and so on, that we are not so responsible for as much of our lives as we think.

We inherit or parents problems is a way of looking at it. A particularly negative way too but...

Consequently, we, individually, are absolutely not responsible for why their are homeless people, though that is not the same as not being responsible period. We can help them, and should as a society, but should not be burdened by guilt for what they are or how they got there. Same for the poor, ill, etc etc.

Of course, all of this is not to say we don't have free will. We can choose who we are and how we live. Just, it's always tougher to change than to remain the same.

This is simplified. I see that. Our parents don't have the exclusive rights to our personalities and quirks. But they have the most influence I think. The environment, our peers, religion etc all play parts... you covered some of those areas and well too. Bloody Christianity.

All that said, I'm totally aware I'm sticking my neck into an area I don't know much about other than as a living person, paying attention to what's going on, so, as a disclaimer, I add this is only my naive interpretation of the topic.
Thank you and goodnight.

Sabra Embury said...

What you just said is most intelligent more than most of the intelligent seeming stuff I've been reading lately.

For the life of me I should work on trying to make sense more.

Robert said...

In addendum; I was just talking to a friend about God.
His stance is God doesn't exist and is an asshole.
My stance is if he does exist, (I have an innate feeling that there is a creator), he has no involvement in our day to day...

The reason for this anyway, and the relevant bit, is that we live in a closed system. Since the beginning of the Universe, the big bang, events have sparked off other events. Atoms combine, planets emerge from spinning dust clouds, suns explode, blah, blah, blah.
Our lives are similar I think.
Cause and effect. Action and reaction.

As humans it looks unpredictable, but if we could raise ourselves to a level overlooking everything, if we could be Godlike, we could see how everything pieces together.
But we call it the Chaos Theory because that is the sense it makes.

But, anyway, there is no involvement from outside forces. Something doesn't just happen for no reason.
God will never pick you up off the street out of the way of a speeding truck.
He may have clicked his fingers and began the Universe but he left it to it's own devices after that.

Austin Dodson said...

You're an observer and a learner. You see people living like shit but that's because they had no talent or didn't know how to use it or just said fuck it and decided to live like that; none of those are your fault, and you should feel no guilt for having money to spend because you are talented and have a well paying job. (I just met one of the later recently. One of the ones who decided to live on the streets. He's kind of a South Philly fixture who rides around on a bike with a Viking helmet on all the time. His name is Larry. He's a professional homeless man. He made a decision to live like that, for better or worse. He trades found/stolen? items and brings them to thrift store type places.).

That all men are on the same level playing field and should be treated as such I think is donkey shit. That's equality training for the weak minded. Anyone who throws down a dollar to a man who exhibits no effort in earning that money is just about the worst kind of person because it discredits the whole concept of hard work and effort and reward for skill. If everyman simply gave money out to any bum on the street out of pity with nothing to show for it then we would all inevitably be living in the same pile of shit not getting anywhere.

I gave a dollar to a man who offered to tell me a couple jokes for change. Now there I thought was a man who was at least trying and I happily obliged him. Then I wondered how he didn't manage to become more successful with that type of ingenuity? Personal ethics? Idealist to the extreme?

However if you are realizing you have an abundance of clothing that you never get around to wearing and are still buying more than I would perhaps look into that. What is that about? Sure there are a lot of cute clothing items to buy but is just because you can a qualitative reason? What about that next trip? Think big item purchases maybe? Just a suggestion.

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